Fun with Dick and Jane

read-think-learn-logo1Sitting in the coolness of my three room schoolhouse that first fall day, I still remember how excited I was…for one thing. I wanted to read more than I wanted to breathe.

It was 1957, and I hadn’t yet turned 5 years old. Given that my birthday was only two weeks after the opening of the school year, I was afforded the opportunity to begin the year at the very young age of 4. I expect my mother was grateful. She had another toddler at home and would have an infant due in early December. With me, the eldest, in school, it gave her some breathing space to prepare for the baby and get more accomplished in her days.

Mrs. Garron, with her movie star looks, and perfectly coiffed blonde curls, passed out our readers, the first of the Dick and Jane series. I felt my heart skip a beat….all of these letters!! Letters that made words!!

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Words that made sentences and sentences that made stories!!! Surely, to read must be the most wonderful ability on earth!

I don’t recall my parents reading to me. Nor my grandparents. In fact, it wasn’t until I was in school that I remember anyone reading to me. That is probably about the same time that Kay Kenney entered my life as a Sunday School teacher.

I used to daydream that Mrs. Kenney was my mother…for the sole purpose of having her read to me. She had the most wonderful voice … her enunciation gave life to characters, emotions, and even the elements such as the pitter patter of raindrops.

Words were magical…albeit mystifying. There are certain words that can still make me smile as I recall how I thought their pronunciation nonsensical.

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Why, for instance, was island pronounced EYE-land, when clearly, as the 100% on my spelling test clearly demonstrated Is and Land are two separate words, and when joined together should sound the same, except holding hands…ISland? I was four years old and just learning to read, yet I was also just beginning to grasp the complexities of the English language.

To remember certain words, and the correct spelling, my father used various methods to drill them into my head. It was always my father, with his half completed Grade 8 education, that helped me with my homework. Two words in particular that I learned under my father’s tutelage stick out for me. Electric is one. He taught me to spell it in a sing-song cadence: eLeCtRiC….with emphasis on the capitalized letters. The other is February.

I prided myself, and him, on my spelling quizzes and tests, always getting 100%. Until February. Not the month. The word. Febuary. Over and over I practiced as he instructed. I wrote it down, I memorized it and on quiz day, I got it wrong. WHAT???? It can’t be wrong! I insisted. My Daddy had worked with me for two days as it was such a difficult word. ‘Sorry, it’s wrong’ said Mrs Garron through her red painted lips. ‘It’s spelled FebRuary. With two r’s.’

Anger doesn’t begin to describe what I felt toward her in that moment. I stayed quiet the rest of the day and after school I ran home … burst into tears and told my mother…saying unkind things about Mrs Garron. When my mother told me that Mrs Garron was correct I was stunned! How could this have happened?! Suffice it to say, my father felt terrible and took full responsibility for teaching me to spell February incorrectly. I quickly forgave him. Not so my mother and Mrs Garron.

Over the years I have decided that reading truly is the most wonderful ability on earth, for it gives rise to so many others: understanding; compassion; experience; knowledge; courage. I still enjoy reading, although admittedly more for pleasure than for knowledge these days.

learn-to-read-you-will-be-free-forever-300x300My love of reading has passed on to my children whom I read to while they were still in my womb. They are voracious readers, like their mother, often getting lost in a book so deeply the world could end without their knowledge until that last word is devoured. My oldest grandson consumes books at a speed and depth that even I find mystifying. He is 8 and his knowledge of the world around him is astounding. His retention level amazes his parents and teachers. Like his grandmother, he ‘lives’ the book, and often mourns it’s end as he realizes he must bid farewell to it’s characters. But like his grandmother, he will revisit his favourites, time and again in the coming years. Like his Aunt, he reads well beyond his years, but his compression levels make it possible. She read The Grapes of Wrath at his age.

And so, to Mrs Garron, Mrs. Kenney, Mrs Welch, Mrs Hooper…and all of those mentors and teachers that lifted me up from a child of four that tolerated school with one end in mind, I say thank you. My mind, my heart, and life … owe you all a huge debt of gratitude. And on this cold FEBUARY day, I lift up my words to my father and am thankful for his instruction in my life.

I Know You are, but What am I?

05097b015c05b098865644f0373367737a2382-wmJust sayin’….or just making excuses?

There was a time where I was more than a bit neurotic when it came to housework. Part of it was my upbringing. I don’t often remember being allowed to have friends over…unless we played outside. My mother was a clean freak who stood over us while we did our chores…dusting, vacuuming, the application and polishing off of that gawd awful paste wax on old battleship linoleum. I can remember dusting the same shelf five times because I wasn’t doing it right. A tyrant in a house dress and apron, my mother ran a tight ship.

Some of that rubbed off on me….unfortunately. I remember standing over my teenagers making them wipe the counter over and over again because they hadn’t done it right. A tyrant in a business suit and earrings. I am so very sorry for those times….I remember one evening my husband wanted to go visiting right after dinner and I burst into tears because I hadn’t yet done the dishes. Ridiculous? Absolutely! Difficult to stop? Unquestionably.

It took me years to get to a place where my house didn’t have to be spotless, perfect. I still have to work on it.

But there is a flip side to this desire for perfection which is just as bad.

Everyday I see posts on social media or hear people, women especially, justify living in a cluttered, dirty house. “You’re not a good mom if your house is clean and organized”. That’s as delusional as the search for perfection. It’s an excuse and a cop-out …no matter how busy you are your home can be tidy and clean.

700fb301643451547312c04165b28da8There is a happy medium between where I was and being a slob.

Making your bed everyday does not make you less of a woman or a man. Picking up after yourself and expecting the same from anyone that lives in your home doesn’t mean you are less fun, less caring, or that your priorities are screwed up.

House_clean_enough_healthy_messy_happy_signWhat it means is that you like an uncluttered, calm place to call home. A refuge where the chaos of the world stops at your door. It means you are organized; a good time manager.

There are lots of other things that are vague or thinly disguised excuses that annoy me.

Where does it say in the rule book of life that in order to be a kind, decent person you must be poor? There are kind and generous people in all walks of life, just are there are users and abusers. Because I have worked hard my whole life and done well, I am not a thoughtful and caring person? Just because I won’t bail you out of your own laziness and spend thrift ways makes ME the one to be loathed? Nonsense.

Why do we look at the fit, healthy Mom and try to belittle her?From Facebook to Moms and Tots groups across the country, we post her image and ridicule her efforts and toned, fit body. She works hard at staying fit and healthy AND is as engaged and loving with her children as we are…the difference is she stopped making excuses. She knows that to be the best she can be for her children means that she must be healthy to live a long, active life. Caring for yourself doesn’t make you an unfit parent….it makes you a shining example for your children. Go get off the couch, turn off social media and the gossip club and join her. The reason we feel so inclined to discredit others is our own unhappiness.237072367854404259qCeGSjvCc

So go ahead. Put your sweat pants back on, hike up your shirt to show your tummy that has stretch marks from carrying your three children…and by all means be proud of yourself…but for God’s sake….stop criticizing the Moms that work at being fit and healthy. It doesn’t help make you a better Mom, it makes you a jealous, mean-spirited crank that I find annoying.

You’re so Vain…I Bet You Think this Blog is About You

37f3b98d3c005c57395f830973e0eaf3A while back, I had a private message on Facebook from someone who had read my blog posts and wanted to know why I was “airing my dirty laundry’ in public. This wasn’t someone on my “friends” list …just someone who took issue with some of my posts….. or perhaps all of them…they weren’t clear.

At first I was stunned…and angry, but then, slowly, I started to understand why that person…and probably others…feel that way.

It was a difficult decision…and still is…deciding whether or not I should write about specific things. I struggled with the ‘what will people think’ aspect of some of my posts. I also struggled with how much detail to write.

f6a203a6552795725bfc56a330229bf7The conclusion that I have come is is this: There will always be people who will disagree with how you live your life, what you say, what you do, what you write. They will try and make it about you…but it isn’t about you…it is about them. To reveal some things about my life will serve no purpose and so I choose carefully what I write. It is a fine balance to determine what will be enough to heal me without being so much that it harms others.

It is only when you have secrets that you can be blindsided…and hurt. Life is what it is: the good; the bad; and the ugly. We must embrace all of it to become whole. To deny or cover up the ugly parts is to try and deem ourselves less than human, which is ridiculous. Remember the old adage “To err is human. To forgive divine.” ‘Tis true. No point lying about it Having ugly bits to our personality doesn’t make us unworthy. It makes us human.

I think it takes courage to face your whole self….warts and all. Most of us like to put all that isn’t perfect in a closet, turn off the light, close the door, lock it and hide the key. I don’t know about you, but there isn’t much of me that’s perfect, so there’d be a whole big chunk of ugly awesome in that closet!!

Burying, covering up, hiding and lying about who we are and what we came from is fodder for all the head doctors out there! You can’t bury ugly things and expect them not to take root and eventually rear their nasty selves. You have to bring that stuff into the light….face it, smack it down if need be…but deal with it. Only then will it lose it’s power over you.10356263_621300841298787_5130570590089182306_n

Most times, our ugliness doesn’t come from within ourselves…it comes from without. It comes from what other people have done to us, then we bury it and let it take root….an unwitting participant in their plan to sabotage our lives and damage our souls. That is stuff of broken spirits, which results in broken people.

I was badly broken…I just didn’t realize it. I am working to heal, to forgive, to improve and to laugh again. One foot ahead of the other; one word after another; one story at a time. Slowly, I am reclaiming my power.

So if you are worried about what you might read in these posts…concerned that you might show up in the ugliness that I am still dealing with, all I can say is this: Maybe you should have treated me better.