As some of you know, I choose a single word to help guide me this year. That word is LISTEN. For me that means being present, listening to the unspoken, paying attention to signs, opening my heart, as well as my mind to receiving messages that I may have missed before.
Around 6pm last evening, just as my sweetheart got home from work, I was in the kitchen starting dinner and listening to Jukebox Oldies on Galaxy…something I often do during the day.
The song that came on was “Honeycomb” by Jimmie Rodgers. “Anytime I hear that song, I think of Dad” I said to Ron. He said “I know, you tell me that every time you hear it!” We laughed and started singing along as I made the salad.
Immediately after the song finished, another began to play. “The Reverend Mr Black” by the Kingston Trio. I sat down the spices I’d been sprinkling on the fish.
I turned to look at Ron, now sitting comfortably in his chair, and he was looking at me. I started smiling like a Cheshire cat…”Hello Daddy” I said. Ron smiled, and said, “I wondered if you were listening”. Oh yes! I was listening. Ron has heard me sing along to that song since we met…one of Dad’s favourite country gospel tunes.
I want to say I couldn’t believe it…but I could. I did.
All evening I smiled, singing the two songs over and over in my mind looking for the message….searching, straining to understand. What was I supposed to hear?
It could be that Honeycomb was to get my attention…to see if I really was listening.
It could be that the words from the Reverend Mr Black, “You got to walk that lonesome valley. You got to walk it by yourself. Oh nobody else can walk it for you. You got to walk it by yourself.” were the message.
Or it could be that he just wanted me to know he was around, watching over me as I struggle to make sense of certain things.
After my husband went to bed, I sat up for awhile reading with the TV on, but not really watching or listening to what was on. Background noise.
Suddenly my head snapped up from my book. WHAT? I had been listening, I just didn’t realize it. Some woman had just given birth and the date of the blessed arrival? June 2nd…my Dad’s birthday.
Okay, NOW he had my attention. I glanced at the clock 11:52pm. “Dad, what are you trying to tell me?” I asked aloud. No answer. Of course not. The man had been dead 38 years.
Soon after, I went to bed…still smiling, but quizzical. I immediately fell sound asleep and woke at 8:22am today, late for me…but I awoke full of clarity and feeling happy and validated.
I didn’t dream…that I recall, but I am certain I know the reason for my Dad’s visit.
I have been feeling a little alone lately. As I write some of my blog posts, I struggle with how much to write about certain things. It needs to be enough to help me heal, but not so much as to do others harm. I need to be honest about certain things that have happened in my life and I often write from a place of deep pain, but working through it is, I know, the only way I can let it go and move on. I am slowly finding joy again and feeling cleansed….a sort of rebirth.
And so, I think that was the reason that my Dad had me listen….the three signs were to show me he understands, that he is okay with what I’m doing. He knows that as I write I struggle with balance.
He’s telling me it’s my journey, it doesn’t belong to others. He’s assuring me I am not being mean spirited or selfish in my pursuit to rid myself of the demons I carry. He’s letting me know that he ‘has my back’.
Thanks for the visit Dad. I’m listening.